Thursday, October 4, 2012

Friend with a Vagina...

So, one of my online man candies....I also have him on a social networking site, we wont say which...ok, wait, lets give some background on Loveland first. I met Loveland at the still young, fun and cute age of 21...he was the mysterious, sexy, older man of 31. We slept together a few times, I recall it being pretty nasty, in a good way. I was entranced by his sexual expertise, which may or may not be accurate, because at 21, I had sleep with oh, maybe 4 people. Yes, I know I'm a whore and going straight to hell. Let's move past it. Anyways, moving on...we recently reconnected through said social networking site. We've been chatting for, oh, I dont know 6 months maybe? He lives approximately 2 hrs away from me. We have talked about meeting up, but haven't done so quite yet. Why? Well, for starters, my car likes to die A LOT. And by A LOT, I mean its in the shop every other day and me and the mechanics are almost like besties. Almost if I didn't want to slap them and shove their hands into my car fan while on full blast, cause they clearly have no clue how to fix it, so they certainly don't need those worthless hands anyways...but that's another adventure for another time. And he seems to not be able to go anywhere without his dog and uses it as a reason he cant come here. And I mean he cant do anything without him. Matter of fact, the first time we jumped up and down? I recall quite fondly his dog coming in and licking my leg and his butt...sweet, a dog bath during sex, fantasy realized! Not really. What kind of freak do you think I am?

Back on, I noticed recently he had become much less talkative to me. Calling less, texting less, so on and so forth...what did it mean? Was he bored, was he busy, was he distracted by that all consuming time of the year, that women like to call hell and men like to call Football season? No, turns out after during some social networking checking (No, its not stalking if I'm his friend on there), that he had  a woman visiting him all last weekend. Was it his Mom, you ask? Nope. Sure wasn't unless his Mom is his age and posting cutesy photos of the two them while all his friends say Congrats on your relationship and what a lucky man he is. Before you ask, no we don't live in back country Kentucky, so the likelihood of him being with his Mom is slim.
So I text him and say,. "Congrats on having a girlfriend". Now I'm sure your thinking as I was....was that necessary, cause I'm sure you came off as snarky to him and jealous." And trust me, I would have taken it back right as I hit send....but with all the things a freggin cell phone can do, it cant do that. This is the point, he responds by telling me he has no girlfriend. I laughed and said, really, maybe you should take a look at your profile then, cause it and your friends say otherwise. He says, I swear she's just an old friend come to town to visit. So, I'm wondering at this I have idiot written on my forehead? Clearly the man is convinced I'm either A. Slow or B. Stupid.  Pretty sure this isn't my first rodeo with a man who very much does have a girlfriend and very much tries to pretend, I simply say, ok, whatever. End of conversation. So today, he texts to tell me how he's taking a bubble bath, because I apparently I might like him better if I know he does that...I suppose bathing regularly is a plus. I reply with, Is your girlfriend still visiting? He says no, I have no girlfriend. So, I respond with, Fine, your friend who just happens to own a vagina still visiting? He says no. Now, normally I wouldn't be bothered by a man I am NOT dating, dating another woman, I have no claims to him. However, in this bothers me cause I think he believes I'm foolish enough to believe him. I mean really, if I had a friend who just happened to have a penis visiting...I'm sure he would think the same. That yes, she does have a man.  So, in this case call her what you will, girlfriend, bed buddy, girl who owns a vagina....whatever she is, she is your girlfriend. Whatever else could she be? I mean really you don't post your bf/gf pics on  a website and then say, no nevermind, we are just friends. I don't snuggle and spend the night with my guy friends, do you?

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